THE BOX OFFICE

[tellthestory]

This is where you can meet privately with the Balladeer! The Balladeer is almost always around during the day; just knock.

(Secretly, the door's usually not locked if he's inside. But you wouldn't want to be rude, would you?)

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[tellthestory]

[There is a stack of manila folders.]

[inforapenny]

[No better way to figure out what these are than to start rifling through them. Are there names or anything on the outside, first of all?]

[tellthestory]

[Well, the top one is labeled Captain James Hook.]

[inforapenny]

[OH SHIT SON alright what's the scoop on Jas. Hook?]

[tellthestory]

[The top sheet is just a copy of his profile. Someone has drawn a crocodile eating his picture. There's also a note scribbled across it:

Seems to think I'm Billy? Even though we've all been in the same room?

Request a loud clock for the office

Meanwhile, how long do you think it takes to heat up apple cider, buddy? Sounds like someone is coming to this room.]

[inforapenny]

[Awww he heated it up that's adorable- OH SHIT

Billy shuts the drawer as quietly as he can and scoots back around from behind the desk, trying to look casual as he appears to innocently check out the vase of lilies.]

[tellthestory]

[bruh it's hot beverage time

The Balladeer enters with two mugs, and seems more focused on getting successfully through the door with them than whatever Billy's doing.]

Okay, heeeeere we go. Careful, it's hot. [He hands one over, and takes his seat with the other.] Just came out of a carton, so at least you don't need to trust my cooking skills!

[inforapenny]

[Billy smiles sheepishly, taking his mug in both hands and sitting back down in the chair he was originally in.]

Smells like home, at least. Fall doesn't always get, um, cold enough for cider in California, b-but, uh, it's nice. In the winter.

What, uh. So, do you just read cookbooks for fun? [He sips the cider carefully.] Mm, th-thank you. This is great.

[tellthestory]

Well, I never cooked before I came here. So I've been trying to learn! I can't just eat instant noodles all the time when there's such good food here.

[He sips his own cider and smiles.]

You're welcome! Glad you feel better.

[inforapenny]

I mean, instant noodles can be good too if you can, um, dress them up a little. I, uh, I used to eat a lot of them, too.

...yeah. So, uh, so you know a lot about us. Can I ask a couple things about you?

[tellthestory]

Yeah, sure. There's not too much to tell, but I don't mind.

[inforapenny]

Okay, uh... Where are you from?

[tellthestory]

Oh, I'm from America.

[inforapenny]

[REALLY. HE NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED.]

Just...America? I guess you're well-traveled, then.

...Were you brought here by yourself, or were you brought here with, um, with a cast of your own?

[tellthestory]

A little? My first show was... [He doesn't seem to know quite what to say, but settles on:] ...more abstract than some.

[He takes a long sip of cider.]

I guess the rest of that cast is still back there. They didn't come with me.

[inforapenny]

Oh, s-so you were in, um. You were like an actor before you came here? Like- like a musical, I'm guessing. You-you're an excellent singer, um.

I wish you didn't have to sing about, you know, um. Yeah.

[tellthestory]

...well, I was their narrator. But thanks.

[He looks down at the mug, cupping both hands around it.]

There was a lot of murder in that show too. That's why they thought I was a good pick for this.

[inforapenny]

[Billy winces, staring into his own mug as well, expression sad and pensive.]

...I'm sorry.

Is that, um... is that what...they rescued you from?

[tellthestory]

Yeah. It all went south.

[He sighs.] I mean, I should have been expecting it. I just never thought they'd actually turn on me in the middle of a show like that.

I can't believe president kennedy is still alive

[inforapenny]

[...Oh no protect him]

'They?' You mean your castmates...right?

I didn't mean to bring up bad memories for you. I-I just...

he is immortal now

[tellthestory]

No, no, it's fine. Pretending things didn't happen won't help.

Besides, I know a lot about you. It wouldn't be fair not to answer any questions about myself.

President Kennedy, never assassinated, floats in the nothing.

[inforapenny]

[Billy takes a thoughtful sip of his cider.]

I-it's just...weird, you know? None of us were a-actors, or anything. The closest I ever came was running a vlog.

I can't believe the existential horror was me all along

[tellthestory]

Well, you're people, you know? You've all got your own stories. Most of my last cast wasn't actors either...just one.

[wow it sure sounds like he dislikes this one particular actor]

[inforapenny]

You sound like you're not a fan.

[That's kind of an understatement, bro, you said that with the same vitriol that Billy uses when he says "Captain Hammer"]

I-I mean, I can see why you wouldn't be a fan of any of them, but...

[But that had kind of a "fuck that guy in particular" vibe.]

[tellthestory]

You know how it is. Some people can justify anything they do. They all did, I guess, but he was just so -

[Apparently the Balladeer can do a pitch-perfect Southern accent:] "Oh, I'm just like Brutus, I'll be remembered as a hero, I'm so great and perfect and not just a racist murderer".