tellthestory | THE BOX OFFICE

I run a vlog and I attract weirdos. Well, a weirdo.

[Fuck off Johnny Snow

Ok he chuckles a little into his mug at that, but there's a shadow of concern in his eyes.]

...Or he'll think that you're me and therefore the rule doesn't apply. He's not, um. Not the sharpest hook in the shed.

[Then, sotto voce, mumbled as he drains the dregs of his cider.]

Maybe I just have bad luck with captains

Ha, now imagine if you were president.

[The Balladeer frowns a little.] I didn't think of that. If he tried to attack me, they'd stop him, but...you should be careful. You were probably doing that anyway, I guess, but he really does not like us.

[.....]

...geez, you do have bad captain luck.

President? You mean you worked with-- Like, uh, your other cast members were, um, Booth a-and...those other guys?

[Well no wonder they turned on you, buddy, they're all whackjobs]

Yeah, I gathered that when he tried to pick my nose with his hook last night. Can't say I'm much of a fan, either. He's just an overblown bully who thinks he can get away with whatever he wants.

Oh my god, "those other guys". [He grins, delighted.] You don't know their names, do you?

He's the worst. I don't know how you all deal with him all the time - he's really frustrating during trials.

[Billy flushes in embarrassment, misreading the Balladeer's delight as mockery.] I-I was never interested in history too much in school... I have a bachelor's and three doctorates in science, I never had time...

[He probably couldn't tell you who Garfield or McKinley were or when they served either, tbh.]

Ugh, I have to stand next to the guy at trials. He smells like brine and mustache wax.

Oh no, nobody does! Lincoln's one thing, but the others? Footnotes in history. [He chuckles, waving a hand dismissively.] God, didn't I tell them?

How does he still smell like brine? He's been here a month! Does he not know how the showers work...? [oh god you know what don't answer that]

I don't know, I think his collar sticks up because it's chemically 95% salt at this point. Maybe he's just 95% salt.

[He puts his empty mug down on the desk carefully.]

...I-I, um. I wanna say, thanks for... talking to me. I guess I just, uh, just needed to talk to someone who knew...

[He doesn't seem in a big hurry to leave, though, he just wanted to say it in case the Balladeer decides to kick him out.]

...It'd be a long shot for me to ask if you knew anything about how our memories got removed, right?

It's no problem. I like talking to people, and I think it's...good to have someone to talk to about everything. Even if you...weren't the one who told me in the first place.

[lol, artificially induced confidences]

I wouldn't be able to tell you if I knew. But I actually don't. [The Balladeer frowns. His cider's gone too, but he's still holding the mug; he doesn't seem like he's in a hurry to get Billy out either.] I'd bet it's more along the lines of magic than science. It's a good plot device, you know? New stuff happening every week.

...I-if you didn't already know, I don't think I would've come in here.

[Secret identities and all that.]

...I don't believe in magic. All magic is is science that's more advanced than the beholder. A cell phone would be magic to a caveman. Or, uh, probably also to a pirate.

...Where did my phone go?

That's fair, I don't know anything about science. I just haven't seen any...science-looking things around. [.....] But hey, if they're using some detail of the Garfield assassination, I'll be on top of that.

[lol his specialties are u s e l e s s]

I don't know. The booth?

Oh. Heh, for a second I forgot that Garfield was a president, and I thought you were talking about the cat.

[He looks awkward at that.]

I haven't, um. Visited the booth, yet.

Well, it's not like he was in office for long. Got shot after six months. [.....] I always thought he seemed like a nice man.

Oh. Yeah, some people's stuff is in there. But they're just going to give you whatever they feel like, so there's a more-than-even chance it'll be junk.

I bet a lot of presidents were nice enough, some of them have that kind of big friendly grandpa aesthetic to them. The older ones, anyway.

That's weird. Another plot device thing? Like, uh.... What's the one with the gun on the mantle? Only I guess it's like, um, the...random crap that comes out of the booth in Act 1 has to be relevant by Act 3...

I only know a whole lot about the ones with major assassination attempts, to be honest. Didn't get a lot of exposure otherwise.

[He listens to that attempt at explanation with his head tilted slightly for a second, then brightens.] Oh, Chekov's gun! Yeah, that's...huh. Yeah. I guess the razor did come out of there.

[god damn it

at least gabe's trap was made entirely out of costume and prop stuff]

Yeah, I only kinda know the ones from my lifetime. Carter and, uh, Reagan, and...them.

[Anyway!

That response is very interesting, and Billy considers it for a moment, before something that the Balladeer said earlier comes back to him.]

Can I, uh. Can I ask you...something else?

Heh, yeah, Reagan. Hinckley's such a creep.

[He said to the other guy he knows who stalks women, um]

Sure.

[The difference is that Billy knows that Penny won't be happy if he kills Hammer, he just has a contingency plan.

Also he doesn't remember that yet um.]

...Why do you want to help the Showrunners, if you don't agree with what- with what they're making us do?

I...

[That doesn't seem to have been what he was expecting; he opens his mouth as if to speak, then closes it, and then eventually goes on in a lower tone of voice, leaning forward in his chair.]

I didn't think it was going to be like this.

[Billy glances around the room to see if they're being monitored, and then scooches forward and lowers his voice, too.]

What did you think it was going to be?

[He sounds curious, not judgmental, an ironic echo of earlier: What difference do they want to make?]>/small>

[There's no visible cameras in here, but the Balladeer still seems to feel a need to act as if they could be overheard.]

More like the last one, I guess? I didn't have any basis for comparison. They said that...since it wasn't about history anymore, I'd have a chance to talk to all of you before anything even happened. So maybe I could change how it went.

[Yeah he'll act as well.]

Did they tell you that you could maybe change it? Or did you decide to try on your own?

They said I might be able to. It was some kind of new experimental thing - they thought I'd have fun if things went well, and if they didn't, I know how to handle myself with murderers.

...they made it sound like they thought I had a good chance.

...Have you thought about making your own chance? You don't have to let this be the status quo.

[Because the status is not quo.]

How do you mean?

[don't start that shit with him he knows where that rhetoric leads]

They're... They're trying harder to break us than you thought they would, right? So we need to stand together, more than they expect us to.

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