THE BOX OFFICE

[tellthestory]

This is where you can meet privately with the Balladeer! The Balladeer is almost always around during the day; just knock.

(Secretly, the door's usually not locked if he's inside. But you wouldn't want to be rude, would you?)

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[tellthestory]

[bruh it's hot beverage time

The Balladeer enters with two mugs, and seems more focused on getting successfully through the door with them than whatever Billy's doing.]

Okay, heeeeere we go. Careful, it's hot. [He hands one over, and takes his seat with the other.] Just came out of a carton, so at least you don't need to trust my cooking skills!

[inforapenny]

[Billy smiles sheepishly, taking his mug in both hands and sitting back down in the chair he was originally in.]

Smells like home, at least. Fall doesn't always get, um, cold enough for cider in California, b-but, uh, it's nice. In the winter.

What, uh. So, do you just read cookbooks for fun? [He sips the cider carefully.] Mm, th-thank you. This is great.

[tellthestory]

Well, I never cooked before I came here. So I've been trying to learn! I can't just eat instant noodles all the time when there's such good food here.

[He sips his own cider and smiles.]

You're welcome! Glad you feel better.

[inforapenny]

I mean, instant noodles can be good too if you can, um, dress them up a little. I, uh, I used to eat a lot of them, too.

...yeah. So, uh, so you know a lot about us. Can I ask a couple things about you?

[tellthestory]

Yeah, sure. There's not too much to tell, but I don't mind.

[inforapenny]

Okay, uh... Where are you from?

[tellthestory]

Oh, I'm from America.

[inforapenny]

[REALLY. HE NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED.]

Just...America? I guess you're well-traveled, then.

...Were you brought here by yourself, or were you brought here with, um, with a cast of your own?

[tellthestory]

A little? My first show was... [He doesn't seem to know quite what to say, but settles on:] ...more abstract than some.

[He takes a long sip of cider.]

I guess the rest of that cast is still back there. They didn't come with me.

[inforapenny]

Oh, s-so you were in, um. You were like an actor before you came here? Like- like a musical, I'm guessing. You-you're an excellent singer, um.

I wish you didn't have to sing about, you know, um. Yeah.

[tellthestory]

...well, I was their narrator. But thanks.

[He looks down at the mug, cupping both hands around it.]

There was a lot of murder in that show too. That's why they thought I was a good pick for this.

[inforapenny]

[Billy winces, staring into his own mug as well, expression sad and pensive.]

...I'm sorry.

Is that, um... is that what...they rescued you from?

[tellthestory]

Yeah. It all went south.

[He sighs.] I mean, I should have been expecting it. I just never thought they'd actually turn on me in the middle of a show like that.

I can't believe president kennedy is still alive

[inforapenny]

[...Oh no protect him]

'They?' You mean your castmates...right?

I didn't mean to bring up bad memories for you. I-I just...

he is immortal now

[tellthestory]

No, no, it's fine. Pretending things didn't happen won't help.

Besides, I know a lot about you. It wouldn't be fair not to answer any questions about myself.

President Kennedy, never assassinated, floats in the nothing.

[inforapenny]

[Billy takes a thoughtful sip of his cider.]

I-it's just...weird, you know? None of us were a-actors, or anything. The closest I ever came was running a vlog.

I can't believe the existential horror was me all along

[tellthestory]

Well, you're people, you know? You've all got your own stories. Most of my last cast wasn't actors either...just one.

[wow it sure sounds like he dislikes this one particular actor]

[inforapenny]

You sound like you're not a fan.

[That's kind of an understatement, bro, you said that with the same vitriol that Billy uses when he says "Captain Hammer"]

I-I mean, I can see why you wouldn't be a fan of any of them, but...

[But that had kind of a "fuck that guy in particular" vibe.]

[tellthestory]

You know how it is. Some people can justify anything they do. They all did, I guess, but he was just so -

[Apparently the Balladeer can do a pitch-perfect Southern accent:] "Oh, I'm just like Brutus, I'll be remembered as a hero, I'm so great and perfect and not just a racist murderer".

[inforapenny]

Sounds like a grade-A tool.

[As he takes a sip of his cider, then a slightly bigger sip because shit it's starting to go cold now.]

Your last show wasn't like...this, was it? They weren't killing each other?

[tellthestory]

Oh, no. They were...mmm, not friends, maybe. They were alike.

[He's been talking more, and he takes a long drink before going on.]

And the show was about what they'd already done, not what they were going to do.

[inforapenny]

'What they'd...'

So somebody brought them all together and you sang about the murders they committed? That's...

[That's fucked up.]

Were they all, um, were they all American, too?

[tellthestory]

Yeah. Different time periods, though. Kinda like with all you guys!

[inforapenny]

Huh. I-I guess they'd have to be some pretty high-profile guys to warrant being brought together like that...

So, um. You... your name isn't "Balladeer," right? I mean, it's alright if that's what you want us to keep calling you, I-I'm just curious, because, um, y-you know my secret identity...

[So if you tell him yours he can keep a secret, bro]

[tellthestory]

[He snorts and says dryly:] They would love to hear you say that.

And no, that's the only name I have. It's the role I'm supposed to play. [He considers this, mug held to his lips for a moment as if to conceal his expression.] I'd rather you called me that than Showrunner.