tellthestory | THE BOX OFFICE

Of course I am! Who would root for you all to murder each other?

[Even you wouldn't do that, Hans, it wouldn't benefit you at all.]

I figure if I make things as nice as I can, it's good for everyone. Getting you guys some stuff here and there's no big deal.

Someone with a morbid sense of humor, perhaps.

[ I mean, Hans wouldn't have judged you too hard if that was the case, but yeah, no. Hans would rather solve his problems with lies than with bloodshed. Violence is so uncivilized. ]

That's my thinking too. [ A pause. ] Well, about things being as nice as possible, anyway. Everyone is much easier to deal with when they're happy than when they're on edge.

[ That's the Hans preferred method of manipulation, really. ]

It's true. People are more likely to lash out if they're unhappy, and then we'd just have a whole crop of other problems.

[Like murder investigations, and trials...nasty business.]

Besides, that's just being a good host or something, right?

Right. I imagine an angry cast doesn't make for nearly as good a story. Or good decisions.

[ Only bread dad could hold them back... ]

Well, besides the kidnapping and trapping us here, you've definitely been a good host.

.........no. It doesn't.

[He smiles, shifting conversational gears.]

Glad you think so. A lot of people are really not happy about being stuck in here! I mean, you guys do only have the first floor, but this place seems really cushy to me.

I mean, a lot of people will probably be missed a lot more than I am.

[ Hans shrugs. If he smiles it sounds like a joke, right? He can understand why he's in the minority—but as long as he leaves and gets to marry Anna after all this, he's fine with a random kidnapping. His family sure isn't gonna come running to his aid. ]

It's no palace, but it's not bad. I mean, the communal bathrooms? Not my thing. But otherwise, I pictured kidnapping involving a lot more blindfolds and dark closets than dressing rooms and opera houses.

[ There's a gag tag in there just waiting to happen. ]

Edited (phone tag hell) 2016-10-22 05:11 (UTC)

Hm. Some, sure.

[He's not here to give everyone spoilers about their castmates, but look you're not the lone terrible person or anything Hans]

I would've thought you'd want back for your own sake, not because of anyone you'd left behind. But I get it. [.....] And yeah, the bathroom thing's not great. Don't think this place was built with the thought that actors would be living here full-time.

Ha! Please. If I vanished, I'd be doing my family a favor. That's the last thing I want to do.

[ Clearly, they need to have more backstory talk around here. ]

Obviously. I take it there aren't single bathrooms in the other floors?

Edited (reworded the question to sound better ) 2016-10-22 05:59 (UTC)

Nah. They are a little nicer, since patrons could access them, but they don't have showers or any of that.

So, what, you want to go home out of spite? [He's not totally judging, your family sounds shitty.]

[ Where do you shower, Balladeer...? ]

At this point? Yes.

[ Spite has brought Hans to Arendelle, it can certainly pull him out of this. ]

Ideally, I'd be going home and marrying Anna. But if she changes her mind, well... I can't stop her. [ His voice dips a bit, cold. ] Much as I'd like to.

[ Alas, murdering Anna without any proof of their engagement wouldn't help him get the throne at all.... He sighs. He doesn't have to go on, but the dude kinda tends to monolog once you get him started. ]

She's got an older sister, anyway. She might be cold, but I have options.

[In the staff section, man, you lot aren't ever getting back there.

The Balladeer sighs. It's not like he doesn't know Hans is kind of terrible, but it's a bit of a drag to be reminded of it. This is like the only person who ever talks to him, is he just a magnet for this?]

Haven't you got anything else to do?

[ Sorry, man, just being honest here. The fact that he's telling you is because you're friends! ]

I mean, I guess? But I've kind of hit the end of my rope with my family. If I don't marry soon, they'll send me off to the military or the seminary.

[ Try to picture Hans. As a priest. He shrugs, though there's a hint of desperation in his voice. ]

I'm thirteenth in line. Women aren't exactly lining up to be with a guy who inherits nothing.

Edited (all the Prince with none of the benefits, that's hans) 2016-10-23 04:43 (UTC)

...I thought you were in the navy...

[isn't that a naval uniform you had OKAY NOT THE POINT]

Is that really how it is? You can't just go off and...start your own life somewhere?

I mean permanently. They won't let me come back.

[ Mandatory service is not "go swab a deck till we hear that you've drowned or something! Look, I didn't write the weird spin-off novel... ]

I'd be a disgrace. I'd be everything my father and brothers have said I'd be.

[ His issues run deep. He means every word he says: ]

I'd be nothing.

[The Balladeer rests his elbows on his desk, folding his hands together and leaning forward to rest his chin on them thoughtfully.]

Honestly, I don't know why you'd want to go back anyway. They don't sound like people you'd want to spend time with.

Are you doing this - [You know, all this Arendelle shit] - because you think it'll actually make you happy, or just to make them think better of you?

I... [ Hans seems to consider this for all of five seconds before he responds, automatic, like he's been telling himself this for years and years. ] Of course I do. I'll be happy when they acknowledge me.

[ Won't he? Hans can't really be sure... but he has to be. That's what he was taught. It has to be true. ]

It's not like I have anywhere else to go. They're all I have.

[ And there's your problem, Hans. But hey, family's family! ]

Edited (phone tag hell) 2016-10-24 03:37 (UTC)

...I don't...

[The Balladeer cocks his head for a moment, frowning, as if collecting his thoughts.]

You know I don't have a family, so tell me if I'm out of line. But if you have to do all that just to get a shot at acknowledgement, it's not really going to happen. Not the way you want it to. Thinking you're...useful isn't the same thing as actually caring.

You've got a whole world of possibilities open to you, Hans. You really do. There's probably a million things out there that would end up making you happy.

That's how it's always been.

[ It's kind of all he knows. This conversation has clearly opened some mental pathways but he's still resistant to change. For now. He can't just decide his whole life's goal has been meaningless overnight. What do mean, being useful isn't the same as being loved? ]

I don't kn... nothing else would make me happy. This is it. I'll show them I'm not just the thirteenth son and then my father will have to take notice of me.

[ He doesn't sound as sure as before, but his conviction is still there, somehow. ]

You're still going to be the thirteenth son.

[He apparently just can't stop himself from making that entirely factual observation.]

I don't understand why people would have that many children and then treat them like that. Let me guess, you weren't really allowed to go socialize with non-royal kids from normal families?

Don't remind me.

[ Like, seriously, he hears that so much. From all his brothers. And his dad. And sometimes his mom. ]

Not really. I had enough brothers that my parents felt I didn't really need any friends outside the castle, but with how they treated me... I was closer to the staff than anything.

[ That's embarrassing to admit but there's literally 0 point in lying to the Balladeer so what the hell. ]

Is there something wrong with being thirteenth? That doesn't have anything to do with anything, it's like shaming you for being born on a Thursday.

[The Balladeer knows a lot of things but he does not actually know on what day Hans was born. Figure of speech.]

That's not so bad, I guess. [Says the man with like zero friends tops] Still seems like it would've been better to spend time with kids your own age.

Well, it's bad luck, obviously. But after a while, the line of succession gets so broad that I may as well not be family at all.

[ Hans was probably born in the winter, on a cold day, where his father's words were probably "oh, not another one." ]

I mean, yes, it's better than nothing. I never needed friends growing up, I grew up fine.

[ No, you didn't, Hans. You did not. ]

People who grew up fine don't usually go on to try assassinating world leaders.

[t r u s t h i m]

The line of succession shouldn't matter. I daresay most of the people other people care about aren't the ones who'll actually inherit their stuff when they die.

[ Rude, tbh. ]

I mean, murder isn't my only option for getting rid of Elsa...

[ She can just abdicate or step down when he and Anna have kids! This is totally fine, right? ]

Wait, really? Then what's the point of being royalty if I don't... rule something?

Uh-huh.

[don't fuck with him hans]

I don't know. I'm American, we don't have a royal family. If you were a president's kid, you'd be expected to just go build your own life like everyone else. It could be politics, sure, but not everybody wants that.

If you weren't a royal, would you still want to be in charge of a country?

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