tellthestory | THE BOX OFFICE

THE BOX OFFICE

This is where you can meet privately with the Balladeer! The Balladeer is almost always around during the day; just knock.

(Secretly, the door's usually not locked if he's inside. But you wouldn't want to be rude, would you?)

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[The Balladeer scoffs.] An actual king, and he still acts like a petty tyrant on a power trip. That's hereditary rule for you.

[...but yes, returning to the point. As fun as it is to shit on King Hans's Dad.]

I don't know if I can tell you what you should do. I just think your idea of being a ruler is really rosy. You can keep this up now, but a king can't change himself just to suit whoever he's talking to - policy's gotta stay policy.

...actually, let me amend that. I don't think you should become a ruler via murder. [Here or there, let it be on the record that he is still anti-murder.]

[ Hans shrugs. That's family for you! ]

That's true... [ You have given Hans much to think about, Balladeer. Even if he won't change his ways overnight (or at all,) it's nice to go over this stuff with someone. ]

You know, for a guy narrating a show where we're being bribed into kill each other, you're surprisingly anti-murder.

...yeah. Well. I might be a narrator, but I kinda hoped that didn't mean I had to tell the same kind of story all the time.

[He seems vaguely grumpy about this. Is it him? Is he just a death magnet?]

Maybe you were cast for your familiarity with the role.

[ That's probably what the management said, word for word. ]

I mean, I'm assuming your last job dealt with murder, too?

You know, that's actually exactly what they said.

[yep]

My last job was just me and a bunch of murderers. So, even though not all of you are like that, I guess it made sense to send someone who's used to that kind of crowd. [He snorts a little.] Honestly I kind of expected one of you would've tried to kill me by now.

[ Hans knows the corporate lingo, what can you do. ]

Sounds like a thankless job.

[ He does not consider himself one of those, thank you very much. ]

I don't see why they would; you've been nothing but helpful since we got here... I mean, you can't help much, but it's pretty obvious that you're trying to make it work.

[ Hans would do pretty much the same thing in his position... though realistically, he wouldn't be as nice about it. ]

[Hans you tried to assassinate a queen you're literally the exact same thing transplanted to a monarchy]

Things were always tense before. It's sometimes a little hard to imagine that they're not now - I'd be a lot more worried about it if I didn't have the crew looking out for me.

But yeah, this has all been...pretty good.

[ Shhhhhhh, he's better. Hans totally thinks he's better than those ruffians. ~~Presidents are elected, after all!~~ ]

I guess we're all hopeful, for now. It's not like you're the one who trapped us here.

[ Though who knows how long that peace will last. ]

Speaking of... this crew you work with, are they stage hands? Are you allowed to tell me about them?

You don't really...acknowledge the stagehands too much in the actual show. They work under cover of darkness for a reason.

But I'll tell you they're around, and they won't hurt anyone or mess with anything. Their job's just to keep this place in working order. You can pretty much pretend they aren't there.

Right, they're supposed to blend in with the scenery, aren't they?

[ Kind of weird, but at least Hans doesn't know about ninjas. Or he'd ask if they were ninjas. ]

They're the ones restocking the food and the storage room, and stuff like that?

I don't run around at night doing that stuff.

...I should probably mention they're not really supposed to go in you guys's dressing rooms, though. There's no real rules about it, but there's nothing that needs them in there.

But you do have access to places after dark, right? I can only imagine you'd have some sort of master key.

[ The showrunner should, right? ]

So that's why they don't make our beds while we're gone, huh? [ Such a shame... ] It sounds like you and the crew have a lot of rules of your own.

Sure, if I need to.

[He shrugs; it's not very important that he be able to access the kitchen after dark.]

We do. That's how jobs go, right?

[ Mm-hm, no midnight snacks, Balladeer? ]

I suppose so.

[ He hums, considering. ]

Are you enjoying your work, at least?

You know, I am! I thought it would be worse than this, but it's nice to just... [He gestures between the two of them.] ...relax and talk to people during a show.

That's great.

[ He actually laughs a bit, relieved. ]

Honestly, I never get the chance to talk honestly with people very much, so I appreciate having you around.

[ Which is as close to saying 'I appreciate you' as it might get with Hans! ]

That's nice to hear. I don't usually get a chance to talk to different people, so I've liked having you around too!

[He may get on better with his coworkers here but he's sort of too much of an extrovert for this]

Aw, thank you.

[ His heart is gonna grow three sizes at this rate. ]

You've been having fun with our show, huh?

Sure! I'd like it a little better if I could actually get out and about, but you're all doing really well on the no murder thing! I expected you would, to be honest.

And hopefully it'll stay that way.

[ He has hope. For now, at least. He hums. ]

Being stuck in this office must get pretty old... Is there anything keeping you here? If I were to, say, invite you to a party or something like that, could you go?

[ Check out this sweet retcon ]

I'm supposed to be available to everyone all day, just in case they need anything.

...but...I guess if they were all at the party, it would be the same thing?

I'll be sure to invite everyone, then.

[ Suck it, Management! ]

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THE BOX OFFICE

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