tellthestory | THE BOX OFFICE

I have a feeling things are going to get worse before they get better.

[ Like, he'd be optimistic otherwise but this is realtalk. ]

Yeahhh, mine's pretty bad. [ And because Hans is, well, Hans, he asks. ] What should I do?

[ Hans finally comes around and sits himself down, hands on the Balladeer's desk. ]

Everyone will hate me if they find out the truth about me! But it's... not really worth everyone dying for either, you know?

[ He couldn't kill 12 of his brothers, he's not about to kill 17 people who didn't ask to be here. ]

[Was not killing his brothers a matter of morals, or logistics]

How long did you think you could keep it secret? Living in such close quarters must make things like that hard.

[And Anna's here, but he's not sure how much Hans remembers. Maybe best not to bring that up.]

[ A little of column A, a lot of column B. ]

Honestly, I hoped I could just keep it a secret the entire time. It was only just a plan, it's not like I've done anything that bad yet.

[ He's optimistic like that!! ]

I only just remembered... trying to kill Elsa. But it felt like the past, even though the last thing I remember was proposing to Anna. [ Does that even make sense? ] Is this another of the managements "narrative devices"?

[It makes perfect sense when you already know all the game mechanics! He doesn't even look alarmed by the attempted murder.]

You took the words right out of my mouth. And I'm not allowed to tell anyone about anything they don't remember, so please don't ask.

Great. They're messing with our memories, too... I hope this is all making for a good show.

[ Hey, at least that confirms it! Hans is gonna figure out game mechanics like a pro at this rate. ]

I suppose I'd better tell Anna before she hears it from you, huh?

May as well. I thought Natalie's idea was great!

I'm not surprised that everyone didn't go for it, but it makes sense. If someone's blackmailing you, make it so they can't! [Just ask Eliza once she gets that memory.] And even if...you know, something happened. Don't you think her memories will catch up with yours sooner or later?

It is. I would have suggested it myself if my secret wasn't... quite so incriminating.

[ But he's not gonna have much choice, is he? He could ask the Balladeer to lie but, haha, he knows how that would go. ]

I... you're probably right. There won't be much point in hiding it then.

[ Even if he doesn't remember the speech, killing Elsa is kind of a biggie. ]

I won't lie, it's gonna be a blowout either way.

[He doesn't lie about much, really, when he's not forced. And he's not feeling all that sympathetic - you made your own damn bed here, Hans. But he does like talking to him, so...maybe he's not giving terrible advice.]

But you know that. At least if you did it yourself, you'd be ready.

[ Aw, you do like him, Balladeer. ]

Yes, plus if I admit it myself at least no one will accuse me of murder. Well, a murder here, anyway. I can control how it spreads.

[ He sighs though, clutching his temples. Ugh. ]

Why did I have to try to kill Elsa, though? And Anna, she— well, I'm not going to tell her she got in the way, but it's really hard to rule a kingdom when you killed the last two rulers, what was I even thinking?

It might change things down the road, if they think you're capable of murder. But it would've been silly to think you weren't to begin with.

[He shrugs. People here may think Hans is a good person, but if it came down to it in trial? Even now, he doubts they'd have overlooked the possibility.]

Yeah, can't imagine that'd make Arendelle happy with you. Especially not killing their princess while she was protecting her sister. [you understand why that is the most puppy-kicking thing you could do right] What are you going to tell her?

Even D-ne was capable of murder, they'd be stupid not to suspect me just on the basis of being here.

[ Keeping up the act is definitely in his favor, but the longer he keeps it up, the more people will hate him when he drops it. It's lose/lose. Why'd it have to be secrets this week? ]

Well, if I remembered more, I could probably... spin it in my favor somehow. [ He's very good at that. But even he has to admit, future-past him fucked up royally. ] I could claim not to remember much else, but it doesn't really matter what I say, she's going to hate me.

Well, yeah. You tried to kill her sister. I don't know that there's a way to spin that.

[There is. But he's not gonna be that helpful. You don't get to pick on Elsa for being magic just because she's not here.]

Why do you even care if she hates you? I doubt being stuck in a loveless marriage was gonna make her happy - unless you planned to fake being madly in love with her for the rest of your life. And that's assuming you did get away with killing her only living family member. You basically plotted to destroy everything she had.

[ Alas if Hans had remembered more about Elsa's magic he totally could have spun it that way too. Fate was not on his side when it came to those memory regains, Hans. ]

I mean, when you put it like that... [ Balladeer keeps hitting the nail on the head so hard, Hans' head is gonna spin soon. ]

Alright, fine, I don't really care whether Anna hates me or not, but I figure it'll be easy to make it out of here alive with 17 friends than 17 enemies. Anna is, unfortunately, very popular. If she starts hating me, the rest of her friends will follow suit. It's going to undo all the work I've put in these last two weeks.

...probably, yeah.

I don't know what you want me to say, you shouldn't have done any of that. These are just the natural consequences. But I do hope your actual life won't be in danger. I mean, I've known the entire time, and I don't want anything to happen to you.

[ Hans sighs. It's easy to say he wouldn't since he can't remember most of it happening, but he can't deny that he wouldn't care if Elsa or Anna lived or died, beyond their usefulness to him. At least the Balladeer seems to know that but he doesn't like, hate him or anything. ]

That's... nice of you to say.

[ Like? Really nice? No one says these things to him. Despite the whole bit about "you're wrong for trying to kill Elsa" bit. ]

Seriously. No one's ever said that to me before.

[ Like, he doesn't know what to do with these feelings, tbh?? ]

No one's ever said they don't actively wish for your death? Jesus, Hans.

[I mean there's a pretty significant amount of moral disapproval here, but he's not bloodthirsty. You didn't even really kill anyone, so naturally there'd be no execution.]

Your family is the worst.

Well, my mother might have, years ago, but she doesn't really-- [ it's not worth getting into. Hans shakes his head. ] Never mind.

[ Unloved and unwanted, that's the kind of bad guy you get in fairy tales, right? ]

Yeah, my family's... kind of special.

I don't think anyone's ever said that to me either, but I used to live with a bunch of literal murderers. You really need to go somewhere else.

[you know, if you survive this shit]

Maybe you're right.

[ He'll find some... far-off kingdom, maybe... get a real job or try to seduce a princess without murder this time. ]

Yeah. I know Rule Eight is a thing, but that's more for people like me. Who can really say what your role in life is?

Honestly, If I can find something better than thirteenth, I'll take it.

I have to believe most places would be better than that.

Yeah, even this place is starting to seem better than that.

...this is awful, but I'm almost glad someone else thinks that.

[ Hans chuckles a bit. ]

I mean the murder and threat of death is a bummer and all, but everyone's actually pretty nice! Way better than court at the Southern Isles.

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