THE BOX OFFICE

[tellthestory]

This is where you can meet privately with the Balladeer! The Balladeer is almost always around during the day; just knock.

(Secretly, the door's usually not locked if he's inside. But you wouldn't want to be rude, would you?)

Comments are screened for privacy!

Comments

[trettende]

[ Aw, you do like him, Balladeer. ]

Yes, plus if I admit it myself at least no one will accuse me of murder. Well, a murder here, anyway. I can control how it spreads.

[ He sighs though, clutching his temples. Ugh. ]

Why did I have to try to kill Elsa, though? And Anna, she— well, I'm not going to tell her she got in the way, but it's really hard to rule a kingdom when you killed the last two rulers, what was I even thinking?

[tellthestory]

It might change things down the road, if they think you're capable of murder. But it would've been silly to think you weren't to begin with.

[He shrugs. People here may think Hans is a good person, but if it came down to it in trial? Even now, he doubts they'd have overlooked the possibility.]

Yeah, can't imagine that'd make Arendelle happy with you. Especially not killing their princess while she was protecting her sister. [you understand why that is the most puppy-kicking thing you could do right] What are you going to tell her?

[trettende]

Even D-ne was capable of murder, they'd be stupid not to suspect me just on the basis of being here.

[ Keeping up the act is definitely in his favor, but the longer he keeps it up, the more people will hate him when he drops it. It's lose/lose. Why'd it have to be secrets this week? ]

Well, if I remembered more, I could probably... spin it in my favor somehow. [ He's very good at that. But even he has to admit, future-past him fucked up royally. ] I could claim not to remember much else, but it doesn't really matter what I say, she's going to hate me.

[tellthestory]

Well, yeah. You tried to kill her sister. I don't know that there's a way to spin that.

[There is. But he's not gonna be that helpful. You don't get to pick on Elsa for being magic just because she's not here.]

Why do you even care if she hates you? I doubt being stuck in a loveless marriage was gonna make her happy - unless you planned to fake being madly in love with her for the rest of your life. And that's assuming you did get away with killing her only living family member. You basically plotted to destroy everything she had.

[trettende]

[ Alas if Hans had remembered more about Elsa's magic he totally could have spun it that way too. Fate was not on his side when it came to those memory regains, Hans. ]

I mean, when you put it like that... [ Balladeer keeps hitting the nail on the head so hard, Hans' head is gonna spin soon. ]

Alright, fine, I don't really care whether Anna hates me or not, but I figure it'll be easy to make it out of here alive with 17 friends than 17 enemies. Anna is, unfortunately, very popular. If she starts hating me, the rest of her friends will follow suit. It's going to undo all the work I've put in these last two weeks.

[tellthestory]

...probably, yeah.

I don't know what you want me to say, you shouldn't have done any of that. These are just the natural consequences. But I do hope your actual life won't be in danger. I mean, I've known the entire time, and I don't want anything to happen to you.

[trettende]

[ Hans sighs. It's easy to say he wouldn't since he can't remember most of it happening, but he can't deny that he wouldn't care if Elsa or Anna lived or died, beyond their usefulness to him. At least the Balladeer seems to know that but he doesn't like, hate him or anything. ]

That's... nice of you to say.

[ Like? Really nice? No one says these things to him. Despite the whole bit about "you're wrong for trying to kill Elsa" bit. ]

Seriously. No one's ever said that to me before.

[ Like, he doesn't know what to do with these feelings, tbh?? ]

[tellthestory]

No one's ever said they don't actively wish for your death? Jesus, Hans.

[I mean there's a pretty significant amount of moral disapproval here, but he's not bloodthirsty. You didn't even really kill anyone, so naturally there'd be no execution.]

Your family is the worst.

[trettende]

Well, my mother might have, years ago, but she doesn't really-- [ it's not worth getting into. Hans shakes his head. ] Never mind.

[ Unloved and unwanted, that's the kind of bad guy you get in fairy tales, right? ]

Yeah, my family's... kind of special.

[tellthestory]

I don't think anyone's ever said that to me either, but I used to live with a bunch of literal murderers. You really need to go somewhere else.

[you know, if you survive this shit]

[trettende]

Maybe you're right.

[ He'll find some... far-off kingdom, maybe... get a real job or try to seduce a princess without murder this time. ]

[tellthestory]

Yeah. I know Rule Eight is a thing, but that's more for people like me. Who can really say what your role in life is?

[trettende]

Honestly, If I can find something better than thirteenth, I'll take it.

[tellthestory]

I have to believe most places would be better than that.

[trettende]

Yeah, even this place is starting to seem better than that.

[tellthestory]

...this is awful, but I'm almost glad someone else thinks that.

[trettende]

[ Hans chuckles a bit. ]

I mean the murder and threat of death is a bummer and all, but everyone's actually pretty nice! Way better than court at the Southern Isles.

[tellthestory]

People actually talk to me without threatening me here! I know that's just because there's a rule about it, but it's still nice.

[trettende]

I know what you mean.

[ When murdergames are a vacation... ]

Did that sort of thing really happen to you a lot, back home?

[tellthestory]

Not everyone takes honesty as well as you do.

[aka, sometimes when you directly tell people they're awful they don't like it???]

[trettende]

Not many people are still willing to talk to you after they know you've done awful things.

[ Maybe Hans just wants to be accepted for the trash he is??? ]

[tellthestory]

[The Balladeer laughs a little.]

Oh, I think the vast majority of people I've ever spoken to have done awful things. You're a lot more cordial than the last group.

[trettende]

Oh, really? What was the last group like? I mean, besides the whole 'trying to kill you all the time' thing?

[tellthestory]

They were pretty rowdy. Most of the time when more than two or three of them were together, they'd get in a fight sooner or later. They'd never try to kill each other - not like me - but they'd really get into it.

[trettende]

[ With Hook gone only Hans is left for team douchebag ]

They must have been pretty awful if they couldn't even work together without fighting. Hopefully that won't be the case when people find out about... well, everything I did.