tellthestory | (no subject)

...sure.

[...yeah, but if Hans turns away to walk down the hall, Lee is def going to try to sneak out the front door. This is some Misery shit right here and he wants no part in it.]

[ Yeah, no, he's not turning around, he's not that naive. He'll just... walk backwards, towards the hall, till they reach another door.

Actually, considering their liminal house it doesn't seem like Lee could go too far, but Hans would rather not lose him in the woods somehow. ]

Here. This is the room.

[ The invitation is obvious. You open it, Lee. ]

After you.

[oh good he wants him to turn his back]

No, you go ahead. [the sarcasm is dripping]

[ Well, it's inevitable and Hans is expecting him to run for it but okay, Hans turns his back and opens the door. Somehow I can't imagine this plan is very well thought out, maybe Hans should have considered a contingency plan sooner... but hey at least he's a good runner if it comes to that.

At least he got the door open. ]

[IT'S A MAGIC DOOOOOOOOOR

to, idk, let's say somewhere near Seymour's place? Not that it makes any difference to Lee where it goes specifically. For the moment, at least, he's just intrigued by a new exit from this crazy guy's creepy house.]

What's this?

[ Hopefully it's at least different enough that there obviously shouldn't be a door, indoors, that leads outside. ]

It's one of the doors the Balladeer set up. It leads to a different world.

[ Might as well namedrop, since Lee doesn't seem to remember whatever happened in his show. ]

...okay, sure, that's great. I'm leaving.

[let's go back to the front door that one seemed more sensible]

No, wait—I...

[ Hans turns quickly, reaching for but definite not touching Lee or anything. It sucks because he would totally pull him into a hug or something if he thought True Love could break this spell but that's not how things usually work. ]

Listen. This world isn't the one you came from. You'll only manage to get lost if you wander off.

You don't have to worry about where I'm gonna go.

[Anywhere that isn't here sounds fantastic tbh

he's super going now you wanna stop him?]

[ He tries to be nice to a guy.... clearly the narrative universe can't make up its mind about Hans. At least in Arendelle he'd be relatively safe... But he can't give up, not like this.

Sorry, Lee, Hans was gonna give you space but now he's gone and tried to grab your hand. ]

Of course I'll worry. Where you go is my business—what happened to going back to your so-called family?

[He snatches his hand away.]

That's where I'm tryin' to get! You don't have any business keeping me here, you freak!

[ Wow, ouch. It's a good thing Hans knows the Balladeer wouldn't do this kind of thing or there would be some serious cognitive dissonance happening right now. I mean, ther is, but as long as Hans tells himself it's not him, he knows deep down this is seriously not him.

Hans steels himself, staying firmly in Lee's way. ]

You can't just go. [ Yeah, okay, though maybe kidnapping him is a bad plan. Time for Plan B. Hans sighs reluctantly, like he'd been trying so hard not to do this. (That's bullshit, but at least Hans is good at bullshit.) ]

I might be able to help you find them— these doors can go different places.

[ Not that Hans can control where they go, but he should've just opened with a lie in the first place. This turning over a new leaf stuff can be hard to balance... ]

[Lee stops up short, bristling.]

Then do it.

[ Shit, Hans was hoping to lead into this lie a little longer. ]

I can't right now. It doesn't work that way.

Then let me go find my way back myself!

[He's gonna shove him now]

You can't!

[ There's no need to get violent, but also this isn't working. Hans circles around and slams the door shut before Lee can get any ideas. ]

Dammit, Bal, you couldn't have been double-cast as some charming, mild-mannered assassin, could you?

[ Did he say that out loud or to himself. Both, obviously. [

[Oh, yes, all those charming, mild-mannered presidential assassins. Seriously, Hans?

Also Lee's gonna make a faster break for the front door this time]

[ Look, he can dream. He also should probably read up on presidential assassins. ]

Stop!

[ Hans gives chase, trying to get to the door first. He reaches out to try and physically stop him. He'd block the way but this definitely isn't helping him get anywhere with Lee. He has to change it up somehow...

I mean, true love's kiss worked last time but Lee would definitely punch him if he tried that now. ]

Lee, there's nothing there for you!

[ Outside, obviously. But who knows. ]

[Lee Harvey Oswald punches Prince Hans Westergaard square in the face.

This is what our lives have become.]

[ There's never any coming back from this weirdness is there. Honestly, Hans has gotten punched so many times by now, he just rolls with it. Maybe his face just looks extra punchable, who knows. Hans doesn't fall over, just barely flinches and tries another change in tactics then. He's got no better options so he'll use this chance to try and grab Lee by the arm and pull him closer.

Well, things are already weird enough as is, why not try the tried and true Disney method? ]

[Lee's been out of the Marines for a while now, but that doesn't mean he's suddenly become completely incapable of putting up a good fight. He tries to twist away from the hold, aiming his other fist towards the man's stomach.

No, it has not occurred to him that Hans was going in for a kiss, because that's fucking insane.]

[ Fucking insane is right!! But damn, Hans was kind of hoping he didn't know how to fight. The Southern Isles Royal Navy is no USMC but Hans is able to at least keep the punch from hitting anything too vital. It would probably be smart to move away but Hans really is going for the fucking insane plan here. He keeps his hold of Lee and even pulls him closer.

Close enough to try and kiss him, mostly just a quick peck. It's not a perfect plan... ]

[To be fair the Balladeer is pretty darn hopeless at fighting, so it was a good gamble.]

What the fuck? [Lee grimaces, shoving Hans away. What the fuck, indeed.]

[ Looks like genre conventions are not on your side today, Hans. Or maybe this just isn't the right genre. Hans takes a few steps back, catching himself before he trips over. He frowns, clearly disappointed... he really thought that would work? ]

...In my defense, that kind of worked last time.

[ Last time was a little different, though. ]

[the moral of the story is don't kiss assassins?]

What are you talking about?