[Even seeing that slight change in her expression twists something in him. It's obvious in his face, the way his brows suddenly knit; he's always seemed to wear his heart on his sleeve.]
But I don't want that No -
[He thinks about hugging Billy as he cried, about Hans holding his hand while he fell asleep. But it's hard not to also think of her, her arms around him as he caught his breath after their escape from his show, the late-night laughter and conversations and songs they'd shared once upon a time.
He really thought that meant something. It did, to him. For all his anger, maybe it still does.
But even if it did, even if she had ever felt the same, none of that is worth the lives of his other friends. They didn't ask to be part of this. If she's going to make him choose, he knows what he has to let go. After all this, they could never just go back to what was anyway.]
- I can't want that Anymore
[...but it stings somewhere deep down, to say all this to his first friend. He feels a sudden urge to explain it to her, like maybe she could understand this the way she did everything else before the whole show started.]
Something has changed within me I'm hearing a new note I'm through with sticking to The roles that somebody else wrote
Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back and give It's time to trust my instincts Close my eyes And live
It's time to try defying narrative I think I'll try defying narrative
no subject
[Even seeing that slight change in her expression twists something in him. It's obvious in his face, the way his brows suddenly knit; he's always seemed to wear his heart on his sleeve.]
But I don't want that
No -
[He thinks about hugging Billy as he cried, about Hans holding his hand while he fell asleep. But it's hard not to also think of her, her arms around him as he caught his breath after their escape from his show, the late-night laughter and conversations and songs they'd shared once upon a time.
He really thought that meant something. It did, to him. For all his anger, maybe it still does.
But even if it did, even if she had ever felt the same, none of that is worth the lives of his other friends. They didn't ask to be part of this. If she's going to make him choose, he knows what he has to let go. After all this, they could never just go back to what was anyway.]
- I can't want that
Anymore
[...but it stings somewhere deep down, to say all this to his first friend. He feels a sudden urge to explain it to her, like maybe she could understand this the way she did everything else before the whole show started.]
Something has changed within me
I'm hearing a new note
I'm through with sticking to
The roles that somebody else wrote
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back and give
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
And live
It's time to try defying narrative
I think I'll try defying narrative
[He shakes his head, slightly, holding her gaze.]
And you can't put me back